Employment Practices under the National Party Government:
Applications are invited from suitably qualified persons for appointment to the under-mentioned position.
If your application is successful please don’t think that you were necessarily the best candidate as our company/municipality/government department is committed to employment practices that redress past imbalances in respect of race, sex and language, and as such the relevant policy will be considered during selection and placement.
In compliance with our company’s Employment Equity Plan, preference will be given to suitably qualified White Afrikaans Male applicants who can produce the right political party membership card.
As part of our caring employment practice we will NOT fire you if you are found to be useless, but give you a golden handshake and early retirement. Please note that the only grounds for instant dismissal are if you are found to have switched political party allegiance.
Employment Practices under the ANC Party Government:
Applications are invited from suitably qualified persons for appointment to the under-mentioned position.
If your application is successful please don’t think that you were necessarily the best candidate as our municipality/government is committed to employment practices that redress past imbalances in respect of race, gender, creed and disability (only kidding – so long as you are the right colour and have the right party card in your wallet you are in!), and as such the relevant policy will be considered during selection and placement.
In compliance with our company’s Employment Equity Plan, preference will be given to suitably qualified Disabled Female African applicants who can produce the right political party membership card.
As part of our caring employment practice we will NOT fire you if you are found to be useless, but redeploy you to a higher paying position. Please note that the only grounds for instant dismissal are if you are found to have switched political party allegiance.
Employment Practices under the NEXT South African Party Government:
Applications are invited from suitably qualified persons for appointment to the under-mentioned position.
If your application is successful please be damn sure that you are the best candidate as our country is committed to employment practices that maximise our return from employees. If you don’t sweat blood at the end of the day then you haven’t worked hard enough.
In compliance with our company’s Employment Equity Plan, preference will only be given to suitably qualified Chinese applicants who can prove their allegiance to the Chinese Way.
If you are found to be useless, and as part of our caring employment practice, we will put you out of your misery by gently placing you in front of a FIRING squad.
Editors Notes: The above is supposed to be a parody as I find it hard to understand how a ‘caring government’ can continue to make the same mistakes again and again.
