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The marketing gurus continue to stamp their authority on Super Rugby. Not just the names of the teams are absurd, the kit they wear often is as well. <\/p>\n
At the weekend, we had the Brumbies playing the Rebels in blue and white jerseys that were practically identical. Referee Craig Joubert (a local boy from Maritzburg and one of the best in the competition) stuck out like a sore thumb wearing orange, as did the touch judges. <\/p>\n
The Ponytails have to get working on this. For the final we expect nothing less than black and white hoops for both sides (one lot with hoops running left to right, the other running right to left); similar black and white hoops for the ref and touch judges; and grass that has been dyed into black and white lateral stripes. Plus a fluorescent red ball, which will be the only thing visible. <\/p>\n
That\u2019s telegenics. We have to move with the times. Camouflage is the name of the game. The Ponytails say so. <\/p>\n
Midday lamp <\/p>\n
MICHAEL Green, retired editor of our sister newspaper the Daily News, picks up on the mention last week of the Greek philosopher, Diogenes. <\/p>\n
\u201cHe was the man who walked around carrying a lamp in broad daylight. When questioned, he said that he was looking for an honest man. <\/p>\n
\u201cHe was last seen wandering in the streets of Pretoria and Polokwane.\u201d <\/p>\n
Pyongyang comedy <\/p>\n
NORTH Korea is a threat to world peace, an obnoxious tyranny, a society trapped in a time warp. Its people starve while its military elite grow fat. <\/p>\n
Its people are thoroughly brainwashed. It\u2019s an appalling place and the contrast with South Korea \u2013 bustling, productive and free \u2013 could not be more marked. <\/p>\n
But the North Koreans do give us a laugh. This isn\u2019t the first time one of its rockets has broken up and exploded, virtually as it was launched. The difference this time is that the normally secretive regime invited along 200-odd foreign journalists to watch. <\/p>\n
But comedy has its shadow. Imagine if something went equally wrong with the regime\u2019s nuclear testing. That would be not quite so funny. <\/p>\n
Signage <\/p>\n
SOME signs in various parts of the world: <\/p>\n
l Cocktail lounge, Norway: \u201cLadies are requested not to have children in the bar.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Doctor\u2019s rooms, Rome: \u201cSpecialist in women and other diseases.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Dry- cleaners, Bangkok: \u201cDrop your trousers here for the best results.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Restaurant, Nairobi: \u201cCustomers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.\u201d <\/p>\n
l On the Nairobi-Mombasa road: \u201cTake notice. When this sign is underwater this road is impassable.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Rules and regulations, Tokyo hotel: \u201cGuests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Menu, Swiss restaurant: \u201cOur wines leave you nothing to hope for.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Bar, Tokyo: \u201cSpecial cocktails for the ladies with nuts.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Hotel, Serbia: \u201cThe flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Hotel, Japan: \u201cYou are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Hotel lobby, Moscow: \u201cYou are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily, except Thursday.\u201d <\/p>\n
l The Black Forest, Germany: \u201cIt is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for this purpose.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Hotel, Zurich: \u201cBecause of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Donkey rides, Thailand: \u201cWould you like to ride on your own ass? <\/p>\n
l Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: \u201cWe take your bags and send them in all directions.\u201d <\/p>\n
l Laundry, Rome: \u201cLadies, leave your clothes here and then spend the afternoon having a good time.\u201d <\/p>\n
Tailpiece <\/p>\n
NO ENGLISH dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words \u201ccomplete\u201d and \u201cfinished\u201d in a way that is easy to understand. Some say there is no difference between \u201ccomplete\u201d and \u201cfinished\u201d. <\/p>\n
But there is. When you marry the right woman, you are \u201ccomplete\u201d. And when you marry the wrong one, you are \u201cfinished\u201d. <\/p>\n
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are \u201ccompletely finished\u201d. <\/p>\n
Last word <\/p>\n
Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first. \u2013 Peter Ustinov<\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The marketing gurus continue to stamp their authority on Super Rugby. Not just the names of the teams are absurd, the kit they wear often is as well. At the weekend, we had the Brumbies playing the Rebels in blue and white jerseys that were practically identical. Referee Craig Joubert (a local boy from Maritzburg […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[8275,953,2143],"class_list":{"0":"post-9966","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-south-africa","7":"tag-durban","8":"tag-newspaper","9":"tag-the-mercury","10":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9966","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9966"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9966\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9966"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9966"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myza.co.za\/press\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9966"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}